Melania Trump Files For Divorce

It has been a storybook marriage if we ever saw one here in America.

Better than Kim and Kanye.  Better than Homer and Marge.

Behind the scenes, as our sources say, the only shared love between Donald and Melania Trump is the love of money.

Now that the former has been voted out of office and will no longer serve as the Dear Leader to millions of sycophants, the walls are about to close in.

The Southern District of New York has its sights set on Donald Trump and much of his family.

Banks are lining up to repossess everything of value to sell on the open market to try to recover the money that they are owed.

The approximately 70 million masochists that voted to re-elect Trump pooled together all of their money together to try to save their Dear Leader from the wrath of the banks.  Unfortunately for Donald Trump, they were only able to come up with about half a million dollars.

That was the last straw for Melania.  The filing will become public after the inauguration.

Melania Trump’s spokesman Art Tubolls spoke about this on the condition of anonymity.

“This marriage was never about love for each other.  Only for the love of money.  Melania has wanted out for years but was trapped in the marriage because her husband was the President.  That is a lot of why she has been one of the worst and absent First Ladies in the history of the United States.

Now that the money is about to be gone, as is the trapping of the Presidency, she is as good as gone.  I’m not going to say who she retained but I will say that you’re about to see a whole lot of Lionel Hutz and Dan Fielding in the news shortly.  Ok, it is them.  She hasn’t actually paid me in months.  Another ‘quality’ she got from her husband.”

First, the best President in modern history is voted out and now they are getting a divorce.  America’s psyche can’t take much more of this.